remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize