i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
