my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
