butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You left your phone here
Wait...
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
