He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
