Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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