so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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