Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
