Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Randomize
