he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
