So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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