i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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