Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
