just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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