what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
