my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize