Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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