I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
