I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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