she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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