I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
