It's just like the Real World with babies
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
