Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
