peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I have feelings that need drinking.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
