I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
