I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
