i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
whose ass print is on the piano?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
