I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Randomize
