You were right. It hurts to walk today.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize