Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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