Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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