i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
