He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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