if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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