All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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