Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize