my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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