I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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