I puked a lego.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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