You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
