Where is the hickey?
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
