no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
