well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
