I think im going to throw up on grandma
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
