He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Randomize
