Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
