He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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