i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
we should paint friendship bongs
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