"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
