that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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