I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
