my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
