i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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