Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
