GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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