you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
operation have a gay friend backfired
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
