the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
