You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
