we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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