East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
