Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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