We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
where are you?
Hypothermia
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
