Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
