We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Are we still banned from the library?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
