he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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