I'm lost and stupid without you.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
