whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
