Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
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