im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
only if we run a train.
done.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
