I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
