this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize