I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
