was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Randomize
