lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
