i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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