Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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