You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
