Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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