If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize