I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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