My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
