She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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