ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
