What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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