I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
