I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
