so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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