they said they heard you say put it in my butt
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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