'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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