Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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