i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
