The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
