im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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