I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
