Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
