if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
