He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
