I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
