i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
